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I kind of wish that I had this marriage thing all figured out. Maybe one of these days I will, but I don't expect that to come for many, many more years...if ever. The thing that make this topic challenging for me to write about is that Eric and I are still figuring out exactly how to work together, what our roles are, and what it looks like to build our home together.
No matter where we are in this process, in the midst of the mundaneness or challenges in life, I try to remind myself that we truly are partners. We're on the same team. We're working together, not against each other, to build our home and to take care of our family.
Let me give you a little bit of background. Eric came from a family with four children close together. His dad worked and his mom stayed home and homeschooled the kids. Eric was homeschooled until high school and lived at home, with his parents and siblings, until even after we started dating (!!!). For most of my life, my mom worked full-time, raised my sister and I as a single mom, and took care of all the in-home and out of home jobs (as as a mom now, can I just say how much I truly admire and appreciate my mom?).
Our home life now looks very similar to Eric's did growing up, but we came into our marriage with drastically different life experiences and expectations. It's been challenging to work through the differences, but the more we communicate about our expectations and the more we both strive to serve one another the easier it is to work through our roles and our tasks in our home and family.
I struggle with the topic of "roles" that men and women should have. I don't want to alienate any working moms or single moms or any wives or moms, for that matter. Do I believe men and women are different? Yes. Do I believe we each have individual, differing, yet equally as important giftings? Yes. Ultimately, I believe the roles in a marriage and what it looks like to work together as partners is as unique and different as the two people making up the relationship. Put simply, do what works for you.
So, what works for us? As a stay at home mom my main role and responsibility is our home and children. I do almost all of the homeschooling, cooking, and cleaning. Eric works and provides for our family and helps out where needed and when necessary. He's always willing to cook a meal, do dishes, move the laundry along or brush teeth and give baths, but I am mainly in charge of all of the domestic responsibilities.
Cleaning a house or cooking meal after meal can feel like a tedious and thankless sometimes, but I try to remind myself that I am incredibly blessed to have a home and a family to take care of. These jobs that I don't particularly like are an act of service to my children, my husband, and, ultimately to God. That's why I do them and that's why I continue to try to do them with gladness.
Don't forget to visit Courtney and Gina for their posts on Working Together As Partners!
Last week's post: Friendship and Romance
I admire this post. My husband and I come from extremely different backgrounds and although we don't have children yet, I know when the time comes, we will experience times when we need to make decisions about how we will raise them similarly or differently than we were. Already our different upbringings have had an effect on how we do our finances, etc. These are things a lot of couples don't think about before marriage. It's nice to know others out there experience this as well.
ReplyDeleteOh man, our pasts- how we were raised, challenges and struggles, and family dynamics, have affected every part of our life and marriage. It's made is SO hard sometimes, but when we're challenged to grow I know that's also so good.
Deletei'm not a wife or a mom, but i am so enjoying this series. love learning about how your family works :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Emily!
DeleteSo interesting the different ways you two grew up, same for me and my husband--but I like that you emphasize saying if you BOTH strive and communicate for a partnership etc..it does make it a lot easier. I love how you two work together to build your home!!!
ReplyDeletexo
(I will get my post up later, sorry I'm a bit late)
Yes, and thank goodness, we're getting better at the communication part. :) I can't wait to read your post....take your time. :)
DeleteNeeded to read this today, thank you for your honesty. I love it.
ReplyDeleteThank YOU for sharing! xoxox
DeleteI love this series. I think it takes such courage to share the struggles of your own marriage here for all of us to read. I just want to say "thank you" because it encourages me, both in my marriage, and as a writer.
ReplyDeleteWhen you said you hope to someday have this marriage thing figured out, I thought, "How can you? Life is always changing." Kids hit new ages and stages that you have not yet dealt with, our bodies age and present new challenges in our personal lives and our relationship, etc. That's what I'm telling myself, at least, to allow myself and my husband to be imperfect and still be ok.
Thanks again.
Thank you, thank you for your thank you, Emily!
DeleteAs far as having marriage figured out, I totally agree with you. That was said kind of tongue and cheek. I do hope to continue to grow and be in a different and better place next year, five years from now, and 25 years from now. :)
I loved this Morgan. I am truly enjoying this series!!!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and I ae complete opposites! He is a conservative southern boy and I'm a loud mouthed hippie child.
He's a musician and I'm a nurse. We couldn't be more different. He had 2 parents most of his life and I was raised by a single mom.
But somehow we do have the same basic goals and values that we want to instill in our children so I guess it works.
But I also totally know what you mean about being a mother and having it be day in and day out and it seems thankless a lot of the time.
Great post! Thanks for this! I'm so cranky at this stage in my pregnancy, I need someone to remind me to be kind and grateful for my partner because he does a lot for us:)
That is so interesting to see how you both came from such different backgrounds but you have had to make a lot of changes in your life from how you were used to. It is beautiful though too! It must be pretty normal and easy for your husband compared to you, but that is great that you had such independence early on and responsibility to be able to be the mom you are at home while homeschooling, you know?
ReplyDelete+Victoria+