Posts
We're having some sleep issues over here and I'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown. Judah and Samuel were always great sleepers or, maybe, with two babies after them I didn't have time to give into their desires. Silas was my baby that would ask to go down for a nap and to bed at night, but he's recently reverted to coming into our bed every single night. And, Finley, oh Finley, that girl is sending me over the edge.
Let's start with bedtime...both Silas and Finley want me (and only me) to lay with them as they fall asleep every night. Whoever I lay first is happy, but the other screams and cries for me. Eric is usually in charge of the screamer/crier and I end up getting frustrated with him for not being able to handle or soothe them. Of course, he's doing the best he can and I'm sure he feels really frustrated with my frustration towards him. The child I'm laying with also has a hard time falling asleep because of the loud tantrum of the other one. Sometimes one will settle for Eric laying with them, but that means we still have to lay with them to fall asleep.
After everyone is asleep at night Eric and I have a few hours with our bed to ourselves. The rest of our night is spent with me shifting Silas around, so that he doesn't kick, bother, or wake up Eric. Finley has always slept through the night, but lately she's been waking up one, two, three, even four times in the night. She wants me to lay with her until she falls asleep and, let me tell you, sleeping in a toddler bed with a toddler isn't very comfy.
Nap time is my least favorite time and the time each day when I consider a) checking myself into a mental hospital, b) leaving and letting the kids fend for themselves, or c) eat a pound of chocolate. Ok, I'm (mostly) joking about those, but I really do go a little crazy each afternoon and end up calling Eric in tears. Sometimes I yell at or get frustrated with the kids and I feel SO guilty after. Not only do I have to deal with their exhaustion, but also my own I'm-a-terrible-mom syndrome.
In our old house Finley's door was such that we could pull it shut and it would get a little stuck. She couldn't open it herself, so she'd usually play and little and eventually fall asleep in her room. (Sometimes on the floor, like the photo.) Now, her door opens easily, so I'll lay her down and she'll walk right out. I lay her down again and she walks right out again and over and over and over. Discipling her doesn't really do much except for make me more frustrated. Rewards don't really work except for her expecting them even though she didn't stay in her room.
When she skips naps she either spends the rest of the afternoon crying, whining, and screaming or she falls asleep for a little bit at 4 or 5 and stays up until 10 or 11 at night.
So, do you have any advice for me? Help a tired, stressed out, overwhelmed, crazy mama, will you? Or, at the very list, show me some compassion.
sleep doula! sleepdoula.com saved my life and possibly me from female pattern baldness! Ha! It's $200 I think...it's all done over the phone, but it friggin works! ME and 3 friends all had 100% success with it. Rowan my daughter took 3 days to sleep train, and Keene my son was just about 2 weeks. Wait 4 friends had total success with it. Check out the web site. If not for you, for them. They need their sleep as much as you do :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jenny! Going to check it out now! After I read the "female pattern baldness" I thought this might have been a spam comment. Ha! :)
DeleteHa! I figured that might make a laugh...who doesn't need that when you're in the throws of sleep deprivation!
DeleteYes! Totally! You crack me up! :)
DeleteA lot of it depends on your parenting style, so you may get a lot of tips that you won't feel comfortable trying. For naptime, I suggest two things: 1) a sticker chart worked well for my oldest child for reinforcing doing what you want, but I hate when people suggest them because they're definitely NOT universal miracle workers; and 2) a baby gate at her door. She can't get out. Period. Hard core mama work done, all you need to do is ignore the pleading. But if you're super consistent even the pleading will fade over time.
ReplyDeleteFor the nighttime issues, that might take a little more time, but again a couple of things have worked for me (disclaimer: I'm still kicking my 3rd child out of my bed most nights, but that's partly my own fault). For the going to bed part, we have a VERY FIRM, as in we have never deviated from the essentials in their entire lives, bedtime routine. The details are less important than the fact that it is VERY FIRM and UTTERLY RELIABLE. In my house, all cuddling occurs during story & song time and maybe a little extra hug if someone needs it, but we do NOT lay down with anyone to help them fall asleep. EVER. PERIOD.
As I say, with the night time stuff I've had less success, but that's pretty much my fault because when my husband is traveling I don't enforce it as hard. But when my little guy climbs into bed with me, if I'm awake enough I don't even let him in the bed and just walk him back to his room, tuck him in, and go back to bed (no lying down with him). If I'm asleep and wake up to find him there, then I carry him back to bed and tuck him in, same thing.
I don't know if this kind of strictness is in your comfort zone, and the night time stuff takes a long time to adjust to, but my kids are happy and we rarely have trouble with bedtime, so it worked for me.
BEST OF LUCK to you!!!
Yes, I have a lot of the same problem....Eric will hold them to certain routines and then I'll give into them a little. Whoops! I like the baby gate idea. I might have to try it!
Deletemaybe they're still adjusting to the new house? perhaps everything will fall into place once they are super comfortable. not helpful, I know :/
ReplyDeleteYes, it definitely could be and that definitely is helpful! Thanks, my dear! I'm hoping it falls into place sooner rather than later!
DeleteI agree, the new house definitely seems to be the common denominator throwing a wrench in everything. We have had our fair share of sleep troubles, that we are JUST making progress with for the first time ... but I have one child, to your four so what we are in the middle of probably wouldn't apply to you all. Something I wonder about though, maybe you could try laying with both Silas and Finley together? Either choose the most comfortable spot for you and move one or both of them once they're asleep (a whole other challenge, I realize!), or talk with them about it together. Make it a game/project, like "We're all going to lay down together, so let's decide where we're going to lay down to go to sleep ..." but also talk about the downsides with them, of not having their own room, bed, whatever you think would make the most sense to them. Again, I have no experience just like yours, but it's a thought. Good luck!!! I know how hard lack of sleep is! <3
ReplyDeleteYes, I could definitely give that try! Right now the boys all share a room and Finley has her own, but it might be easier to have Finley and Silas just share. Hmm... Thanks, Kelly!
DeleteCan they/will they sleep together? My 4 and 7 year old usually spend every night in the same bed ( they do have separate beds). This has been going on for a few years and definetely helped get the younger one out of our bed. And then if you had to lay down with them it would be easier too.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's a good idea. I might just have to move Silas over into Finley's room.
DeleteI don't have any great advice but I can totally empathise. We have just one two year old but she only started sleeping regularly through the night at 26 months. The sleep deprivation is killer. I have only just realized how not myself I was now that I am regularly getting seven hours straight. I think the move is likely to be the disruptor and I do like the baby gate idea along with putting the two littlies together. I hope things improve quickly for you! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks Claire! It helps just knowing I'm not alone!
Deletehey love!!
ReplyDeletei have missed you so!
about sleeping, i am really no help. what raoul and i do is lay down with them in our bed then transfer them into their bed once they're asleep. we switch with however lays down with them but its mostly me.. and then sometimes the four of us. sometimes i think... why did we even get them toddler beds? we should have just gotten a king size bed and it would save us a ton of time going back and forth with the kids. but i think once they're older they won't wanna cuddle with us at night or even lay down with us so im kinda enjoying it. sometimes they go to sleep late and its exhausting but i think it changes after a while. my parenting style has become: go with the flow. not sure if its working or not. haha.
Easy usually wins out for me! :)
DeletePS SO glad to hear from you! Love you!!
We babygate Clara's door too and it works wonders! At night time, we do 2 things. First is 1mg of melatonin a natural sleep aide and the 2nd is a weighted blanket. Look online and you will find them. They are not cheap, but they are worth it! Clara has Sensory Processing Disorder though and does not sleep well.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to check those out. Thank you, Erica!
DeleteI second the baby gate idea. that way you can keep the door cracked and she feels safe but can't get out. If that doesn't work you could try putting one of those child safe door knob covers on her handle just at nap time so she can't open it.
ReplyDeleteI've though of the knob covers, too. I love the idea of cracking the door open, I'm just not sure if she'll be too distracted with her (not very quiet) brothers.
DeleteFirst off, I have been enjoying your blog for sometime, but have yet to comment. But advise? Well what mama doesn't like to share advise? Ha! When my oldest was two, she used to do the same thing as your little. I'd lay her down for nap, and she would basically follow me right out the door. I'd walk her back and she'd follow me out. Ugh! We tried the baby gate, she climbed it and fell off. Dangerous! So, what finally worked for me was; I let her follow me out of her room and would firmly say, "this is quite time for you and for me, you'd have more fun in your room" and then I would basically ignore her (so hard!) and she would fall asleep on the floor right outside her room. I know it sounds terrible, but she eventually got the idea that her bed was WAY more comfy than the floor, so she stayed in her room.
ReplyDeleteMaybe this will work for you and your parenting style, or maybe not, either way, best of luck to you and your sleep!
Thank you for leaving a comment! It's so good to hear from you!!
DeleteI think I need to be a little more consistent and not give up when she refuses to stay in. Little ones asleep on the floor are adorable, but it definitely doesn't look comfortable!
I just went through this same thing with my sweet Finley! I am 9 months pregnant and was so afraid I would never sleep again. She would make me lay with her until she fell asleep and then I would sneak out but of that woke her up then we would have to start all over again. Then she would end up in our bed every night, which left me with feet in my face and no sleep. But she would freak out if I tried leaving her room. oh I can sympathize with you! so I read the Sleep Easy Solution book that my doc recommended... there are 2 methods. I tried the first of quietly walking her back to her bed each time she got up and to her it turned into a game, ugh. So 2nd method was putting up a baby gate. I was worried she would be scared feeling stuck in there but it was a miracle! the first night she cried at the gate for 5 mins then I went and put her back in bed, then she cried for 10 mins and was asleep. no crying since! we do the same routine every night and I do not get in her bed, it would be too tempting for her to ask me to stay. I snuggle by sitting on the side of her bed and rubbing her back and just talking with her. If she asks for more snuggles I just say "we already snuggled, more tomorrow" I also found telling her what we get to do in the morning when she wakes up from sleeping in her big girl bed by herself helps a lot, she mentions it first thing in the morning. I thought this day would never come and am sooo thankful we made it. I still make a big deal of her sleeping through the night and it makes her so proud. so I recommend a baby gate, it worked for us at leadt!
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of door knobs do your doors have? We bought child safety things that go on our door knobs inside the room that make it so my son can't open them from inside. Life savers. It's the only way we can get him to stay in there, and then we do the "cry it out" thing where we check on him if he is still crying after 15min.
ReplyDeleteI also forgot to mention that we also made a "good night book" (I just used a cheap photo album and made pages to slip into it) and the book outlined the new bedtime routine in detail (bath, brush teeth, jammies, book, etc) and why it was important for her to sleep in her own bed - so we could all get rest and play in the morning, etc. I also wrote out what we would do if she got out of bed (that we would check on her after 5, 10, 15 minutes, etc) and that we were always there. I let her draw pictures in the book and we would read it every night before bed and she LOVED it. I'm not sure how much it really helped but it got her excited about our bed time routine. I just made everything about bed time exciting and happy and she still gets excited about going to bed (again, never thought this would happen!). I can't even tell you how much I can empathize with you. It is so hard to have sleep hiccups, but it will get better!!! Hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of putting the two littles in the same room:)
ReplyDeleteDo they have a night light? They might be scared of the new surroundings. Consistency is key hut so hard when your tired:( I can related as my sons six months old and yet to sleep through the night and my three year old is very clingy right now, and my patience gets thin with her. Soni completely relate. Don't let them rule you though!
Woah, mama. Sleep problems. Oh do they ever suck. Hard. And anyone who is experiencing them has my sympathy. I suffered mightily with Stella and her lack of sleep, so my thoughts are with you on this one really.
ReplyDeleteNow I can't say that I have any advice to offer (my kid will STILL be awake for four hours screaming in the middle of the night randomly if her Papi isn't around to get her to calm down) so besides lending out my husband, the sleep whisperer, all I can say is it sucks, sucks, sucks, and really double sucks especially if you've got two who won't sleep. (PS I had NIGHTMARES about the thought of more than one baby who wouldn't sleep).
However, I did recently listen to a podcast that gave me some really helpful parenting insight. WHile not specifically about sleep, it was about deling with strong willed kids. I think many of the principles could work. Here's a link:
http://www.sanditeaches.com/radio-show/ (see strong willed children with Dr. Nicholas Long) he also has a book on Amazon which I think I'm going to get. It sounds really useful.
Anyway. Wishing you luck and lots of zzzzzzz and know that anyone who can manage to like, put clothes on their kids bodies and food in their mouths on such little sleep is a total hero in my book.
Hey Girl! I just stopped by and read this (oh man, sleep stuff is hard to figure out sometimes!!) Probably why I jail my kids into their cribs for WAY past the average amount of time! ha! Georgia is still in her crib, and I'm not sure when I'll move her to a big girl bed (she's happy so far?!) Anyhoo, I'm curious, do you have blackout drapes? They have been KEY to my kids sleeping through the night (and going down for naps). Also white noise helps us a ton. Both kiddos have fans that drown out noise (this often helps the one child yelling and waking up the other). I blast those fans and most of the time neither one hears a thing! ;-) Oh the things we resort to! ha! And I can totally relate to two kids wanting you at the same time. The way we've *kind of* fixed this issue (because A & G both always want me), is that I'm the one who says goodnight to them, tucks them in, lays with them for a few minutes etc. Steve lays with the other until it's their turn to be tucked in. If they cry because they aren't first, then they don't get me! (this has happened once or twice, but they learn quick and now are totally good about it) Once I say goodnight and walk out though, it's only Steve who goes to them. They are NOT happy with this, but it's the only way that I can think of to keep it fair. Otherwise A will call me back in, G will hear him and call me back in, and it goes back and forth for an hour. Also, we tend to only send Steve in at night too. If I go in, they have a much harder time going back to sleep, kwim? All this should be an ego boost to us mama's (right?) but it's exhausting! I totally understand.....
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for posting this! It reminds me that other mom's have trouble with sleep too. I always think it's just me!
Sorry, Morgan. That sucks! Luke STILL has a nob cover on his door. When we went to cali and jersey this year he was so used to not being able to get out of his room that he didn't even know he could open the doors anymore...:) We used to have a monitor in their so we could at least see what is going on. But he is old enough now that we don't even use that. Also the incentive idea works for Luke in other areas. We tell him if he does not take a nap he gets no shows in the afternoon. Consequences may only work for Silas though since Finley is still so little.:/ Anyway, we will be praying for you guys!
ReplyDeleteCaro
Oh no Morgan! I am writing you as a mama who has a ton of experience with sleep deprivation. Ava didn't sleep through the night until 18 months! Just insane.
ReplyDeleteI see someone above reco'd a sleep doula. Tried it. She recommended the c.i.o. method in a very big way and it was really harsh. Too tough for me to follow through but that's not to say she couldn't help.
I find when Ava fights the nap...it is the absolute worse so i really feel for you. That said, I try not to let her fall asleep so that she goes to bed early (keep her up until 7ish) and then, although she gets up super-early the next day, I find she is so tired by lunchtime that she will nap and then things get better at least for a few days.
So hard. I feel for you I really do!!!
I just poured through all of your comments. Behr is 19 months and still sleeps with us most nights...but we are the one who bring him into our bed because we are too tired to get him to sleep in his crib if he wakes up.
ReplyDeleteIt also takes us nearly an hour to rock him to sleep. I am struggling over here, but so grateful for this post. Thanks for sharing and being willing to open up the conversation on this topic!
I just found your lovely blog and I read this post and I totally sympathize! When I was 6 months pregnant with my 3rd baby, we moved to a new house (we are military and move a lot), and my two boys shared a room. They were 4 and 2&1/2. I had started the bad habit of laying down with them until they fell asleep, since my husband was always gone, and I was so exhausted at the end of the night. If I tried to not lay down with them, they would NOT stay in their beds! I finally weaned them off of me laying down with them, but pretty much, I had to separate them, letting the younger one fall asleep, sometimes crying on the floor inside his door which he could not open, because I had to turn the doorknobs around so he was locked (it sounds really mean, but I unlocked it as soon as he was asleep!).. I was alone, with two boys and a newborn, and physically could not lay down with them anymore. I would let my oldest fall asleep in either the spare bed or my bed, then move him to his bed once his little brother was asleep! It was insanity! But you know what--- That seems like forever ago!! I think they just have to adjust to the changes, and they'll learn :) It goes by so fast, as you know- being a Momma! Now, they know the routine, and sometimes they try and see what they can get away with- but my Husband is overseas now, and I had to set the boundaries for my sanity! What used to be a 2 hour ordeal at times is now 15 minutes. I think you just take it until you can't take it anymore, and then you mean business! The only thing that has always tried and true worked for me, is saying what the rules are, and having that door locked. Removing any objects from the room that could hurt them, and sometimes they just cry it out. It took my 3 year old many nights falling asleep in front of his door- and he usually didn't even cry..It was so sad- he just would lay in front of the door until he fell asleep. I also am a HUGE fan of white noise machines..Those work wonders for us, as well! Sorry for such a long comment, I just completely understand what you must be feeling right now!
ReplyDelete...and I just realized this was from July! Sorry! I'm sure you've gotten this taken care of by now, so disregard my insanely long comment :)
ReplyDelete