Week 2, Comparisons and Passion in Marriage

Thank you for joining Courtney, Gina, and I for week two of our Relationships and Marriage series. Today we're talking about Comparisons (comparing your relationship or circumstances to others) and/or Keeping The Passion Alive. We'd love to have you post about your thoughts and experiences or join in the discussion in the comments. Remember, we'd love to have all women- married, divorced, single, widowed- share with us.
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I admit, I have been guilty of comparing my marriage to others. Have you ever read those Facebook statuses that say something like this, "Happy Anniversary to my husband! I fall more in love with him every single day!! Marriage is more amazing than I ever imagined!!!"

Social media (and Facebook in particular) is notorious for people putting their best face forward. Even outside of social media we only see what people want us to see of their lives and marriages. I have compared the intricacies of my own marriage to the public image and the best side of others.

Comparing my husband to other husbands'- is he as affectionate? Does he give me gifts as often? Does he leave me love notes? Is he romantic? Does he make that much money? Does he help out with the kids and the housework as much? - doesn't benefit me, my husband, or my marriage. Some of the time, sure, he'll end up on the winning side of things but if, at that moment, he doesn't then I feel end up feeling unsatisfied and unhappy and complaining to him makes him unhappy. It's pretty much a lose/lose.

The reality is that maybe some of those things ARE true. Maybe someone has a better marriage than you or is stronger in a certain area. Comparisons still don't benefit us. When there's something that's week in my marriage the only thing that I can do is work on making it stronger or, if it's out of my control, accepting it and trusting God.

The times that I find myself most happy and content in my marriage is when I focus on the things that I'm thankful for. I'll tell him, "Thank you SO much for cleaning up the kitchen!" or "I really appreciate that you did…." I'm intentional, even in my mind, to focus on the things that I love about my husband. I'll say to myself, "He is so hot!" or "I love my husband so much!" When you're dating it's so easy to overlook the things that annoy or bother you, but after you're married it seems like we, as wives, focus on those things. We blow the annoying things out of proportion and forget all about the great things they do and who they are.


I want to talk about Passion in Marriage, also. I think it's completely unrealistic to expect to have passion in your marriage all of the time. Or, even most of the time. The beginning of a relationship is emotion-filled and, often, absent of everyday responsibilities. As parents of four young children, Eric and I aren't able to go out spontaneously or cuddle in bed together in the mornings or do a lot of the things that we did in the beginning of our relationship. Things are different now- we wake up in the middle of the night and early in the morning, Eric has a more demanding job, I'm homeschooling and we have more responsibilities than we did then. We're in a different season of our lives. Not better or worse, just different.

For me to expect our relationship to look the same as it did five or ten years ago would be wrong. I'll be completely honest with you and tell you that I have struggled a lot in this area (well, in both of these areas…comparison and passion). I've wanted there to be more passion. I realize now that marriage is so much more than passion or sex or romance, but being best friends and living life together. I'm learning to embrace and love (not just endure) this precious and special season that we're in. I know it won't last forever, so I want to savor it while I'm here.

(Of course, practically, there are things that you can do to keep the passion or excitement alive in your relationship. We put the kids to be early and spend the evenings together, take short trips, just the two of us, once in awhile, and try to show love and affection through our words and actions in the day to day.)

Have you been guilty of comparing your life and circumstances to someone else's? What about passion? What do you think it looks like marriage?
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Don't forget to visit Gina and Courtney to read their posts on Comparisons and Keeping the Passion Alive.

For those of you linking up, you can do so here: