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That said, this is an outlet for me. And, I know I've mentioned before about what we've been going through. So, if you're interested, feel free to read it. If not, I'll be back on Sunday with one of your Thankful Lists and Monday with more pretty things.
As you know, we left the
And, I know a lot of you have church experience, but this probably isn't what you've been through (or, maybe it is, and I'm glad you're reading).
It happened slowly. We were warmly welcomed in to our new "family." They were there for us during hard times and good times adn supported us and loved us.
But, they, also, subtlety manipulated us into breaking off all of our other relationships. We didn't hang out with anyone who wasn't a member of the church or a potential member and we most definitely, definitely did not hang out with anyone who had left the church. We were (directly or indirectly) told how to live our lives. If we didn't invite a certain number of people or show up to a certain event then we were "in trouble." (Everyone there is always afraid of getting in trouble). We were put down, shamed, punished, and threatened.
I feel like the people around me and even my own head thinks that I should be over this. But, my heart knows that coming out of an abusive situation/relationship of any kind is difficult and there is a road of recovery that needs to be traveled. I know that I'm not the only one either. There are so, so, so many people that have left "the cult" that are struggling and hurting and broken.
We when started attending and all along the way we burned so many bridges. I stopped hanging out with my bestfriends, with mentors, with a lady that was like a second mom to me (my "spiritual mom"). I know I hurt so many people. Then, when we left the church we were completely ex-communicated. People were told not to talk to us or hang out with us, so we were left with almost no friends (I'm so thankful for those few, though!!)
I've stayed (mostly) silent about all that has gone on all of this time because of fear. But, lately, I've decided I'm going to stand up for what is right. The reason that these things happen is because people are afraid to stand up to the abusers. (Their bark is a lot worse than the bite, though. At least in this case.) Honestly, I haven't done much, but it's already brought a lot of healing. I'm surprised at people encouraging me and contacting me to share their story and to ask for help.
God is doing a good work and I trust that everything does work together for those who love Him. I know that I'm still on this journey, but God has brought us into a safe place and for that I am thankful.
Have you ever heard of this kind of thing? Or been apart of something similar? I didn't even know something like this existed and didn't realize the extent of it until we had already left.
Hi Morgan, thank you for sharing your experience with your readers. It shows incredible strength for you to come forward about this. It’s not easy for people to admit that they’ve let someone else control or emotionally abuse them. Most would want to sweep those experiences under the rug and not talk about them for fear of appearing weak. I hope that by sharing it helps your soul heal and heart to mend.
ReplyDeleteThis really hit home with me. My entire family has been torn apart by a church cult. When my mother was younger my grandparents joined a church. Like yours did the congregation wrapped their arms around them and welcomed them completely. The church family became their family. A couple of my grandparent’s siblings also joined. My mom and her sister grew up in the church. She said eventually they were taught that they should not associate with ‘worldly’ people (anyone outside of their church they couldn’t even associate with other Christians) JUST like you, unless the people were potential church attendees or potential members. My mother said she could not befriend classmates, neighbors, etc. They were not allowed to be social with anyone but the church members. There was a committee of elders in the church (men) 4 of them. They dictated everything and everyone. If you made a mistake in your personal life like drinking, having ‘bad’ association, gambling etc you were expected to come to the elders. This included children. A parent was expected to come to the elder when their child did something wrong, lie or disrespect (etc) and the elders would advise the parent how to punish. They were huge on alienation. There was a small room in the church where you can hear the service by cannot see it and the children would have to sit in there as punishment. They would make it clear that God was angry with them for their actions and God did not want them to worship him until they were punished and repented to the elders. The elders would decide what punishment to bestow upon you. Punishments would vary, they would make a member who came forth with a slip up sit in the back of the church and even the members were not allowed to speak to them before/after service until the elders gave the ok. They had to completely ignore the person. Finally, my mother and aunt both wanted out. My grandparents disagreed with their decision. They left anyways. My grandparents disowned them for 3 years. Cut off all communication. They were not allowed to associate with them any longer unless business was involved. My mother recalled a time where she just missed her mother so much that she begged her mom to meet her for lunch. My grandma finally agreed to meet but refused lunch. She made my mother give her a penny for meeting... it had to be ‘business’
Anyways, THANK GOD once my mother had me and my grandparents were told by the elders that they could not see me they gathered up the courage to leave. The church is still there, with the same rules. Most of the family that originally joined with my grandparents is still members. Once in a while we will run into one of them at a grocery store or something, they pretend they have no clue who we are. It hurts my grandparents. My grandpa has made comments that he feels incredible guilt for leaving. I am so thankful they got out. They are the most loving people and I couldn’t imagine my life without them!
Wow Morgan, that's all I can say is WOW! I didn't know why you left your left your old church (other than that probably wasn't where God wanted you) and now I completely understand why. I'm so thankful that you've joined us back at the dome! It's fun to see you each Sunday! You are an amazing couple and are raising some truly wonderful little people! Thank you for being strong and allowing God to lead you.
ReplyDeleteSo, so good. I was going to write a post about this, too. I am so proud of you. Love you and your family so much!!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you Morgan! It takes strength and courage to stand up for what is right and you guys did the right thing!
ReplyDeleteAnon- Thanks so much for sharing your experience and story! While it's horrible to know that others have been through a similar situation, it's also comforting. So glad your mom and eventually your grandparents left!
ReplyDeleteWe're praying that this church closes down. And, that one, too!
Heather- Crazy, right? So good to see you and your sweet family, too!
Laura- Thanks! Love you, too!
Erica- Thank you! It definitely was/is so scary, so thanks for the encouragement!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you, sis!!! You guys have really carried this so rightly. We are praying for you guys and am SO glad you left the church. And to anyone reading this I just want to validate what an amazing, awesome Godly couple both Eric and Morgan are. They are incredible parents, aunt's/uncle, and friends. They love the Lord with all their hearts and earnestly seek Him...even through such awful abuse. I am praying that God would use you to set many captives free from bondage and oppression.xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh wow, so sorry you and your family are going through this. I truly understand. The church climate there partly factored into us moving away. Maybe not a huge part, but it was at least a relief. Growing up there, I have a lot of childhood friends and I'll never forget being told that I shouldn't be hanging around with them. They weren't even bad! In fact some of them went to our church. Apparently they were holding me back in some way though. Also that "spirit is thicker than blood." In other words, that my church family was more important than my family at home. I had people tell me what my "calling" was for my future, who I should or shouldn't be in a relationship with, where I should or shouldn't work, I was told at one point that I was supposed to move to Colorado, I auditioned for and got a part in a musical and was told not to do it....weird, but I listened! Except for the Colorado part 'cause I was like, "Wha?..." but somebody actually gave me money to go there! Looking back, it's all so bizarre and doesn't even seem real! Things are so different and NORMAL for us now.
ReplyDeleteAfter years of being separated from all that, I've come to the conclusion that it's so much more simple than I thought it was. I never knew how much stress I was under during those years. Part of that was that I was afraid to give an opinion. I was scared of having the wrong one all the time because there could be emotional/relational consequences. I truly believe that being our individual selves is worship to God since He made us like this and all. It's so freeing and makes it a million times easier to truly love others.
Stay strong Morgan. I don't know exactly what you've been through or where you've been, but I know you and your family will heal and that you'll be stronger for it all!
Morgan,
ReplyDeleteI am so deeply saddened that this has happen to you and your family. I am encouraged by your strength in all of this. I am sure it has not been an easy road. But you are on a new path and I am so excited for you and Eric (and the kiddos).You have made it through the hardest part and that was having the courage to leave the church. I know you have a deep desire to know Him more and that is what will get your through this!! Keep being the great wife and mother that you are =) By the way, I love reading your blog!
I so glad you got out Morgan, you and Eric and so strong. Love you <3
ReplyDeleteI don't know you at all, but follow and really enjoy your blog and will be praying for healing for your family from all of this. <3
ReplyDeleteMorgan, I think you guys are just fantastic! I'd love to see you join our family at church (: Thanks for your strength and encouragement in sharing your story!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're going through this. While my experience was less severe than yours, I met some girls when I first started college who invited me to their "church". They tried to brainwash me almost right away and force me to break up with my then bf. Thankfully, in this case, they pushed a bit too hard too fast and I caught on, but it wasn't easy to get away. They called and called and had people call me who I didn't even know. As I said, it wasn't hard to get out because I hadn't ever really been in, but they stalked me almost and so I can only imagine who it would be if I'd been really involved. I'm so glad you've found a better path. God will lead you where He means for you to go. Stay strong, Morgan. I pray that others in your case are able to open their eyes, too. You're a strong, incredible woman and although the path is rocky, you will be better and stronger for the choice you've made.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to email you the name of the one I was involved in. They are everywhere and I'm curious if it's the same one.
XOXOXO.
Morgan,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for all that you have been through in the name of God and "love". I am certain that our living, loving God never meant for anything like this experience to happen to anyone. Just know that there are people out there who do love Him and who really do love others. Praying for you, your situation, your family and healing from the pain that you have been through.
Mogran,
ReplyDeleteYour story is so important and you did such a brave thing by sharing it here. I know too many stories, my own included, where people use God and 'church' to cause more pain than good. But I also know that God is so good and He will continue to do great things in your life. Praying for peace and healing for you & your family. One day at a time. xo