Four years ago, at this moment, I was holding your little body. Nursing you, cuddling with you, all 7lbs, 11oz of you. I remember the day so clearly. Not knowing if it was the day, but hoping that it would be. I had no idea who you were, even if you were a boy or a girl, but I couldn't not wait to meet you. I had imagined myself crying when you were born, like I did during each episode of A Baby Story, but when it actually happened I was too in shock. I was overwhelmed with excitement and love for you, my little man, my Judah Paul.
Judah, I love you so much. Words can't express how much I love you and how much you mean to me. Some days I feel bad for not spending enough one-on-one time with you or feeling frustrated because I expect too much from you. You're my firstborn, the oldest brother, but you're still a little boy. I want you to know that my heart is to never create an emotional wound in you. I look at the life that we (with God) have created for you and I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful for your Papa who loves God and is an example of a man of God for you. Who works hard to provide for all of our needs and to allow me to stay home for you. I love this life that you're living. To be a little boy, to be innocent, to be protected, to be creative, and imaginative, and to have everything you want and more. But, more so, that God chose you to give to us. That you will always know the love of your Father God.
Judah means "praise" and it truly is prophetic. Your heart beats with worship to God. You love instruments and singing and dancing. Every Sunday you've been having so much fun helping the guys put away all of the sound equipment. You help them roll up the cords and carry the equipment to the back. They said that you really are helping them! Your life will always be worship to Him. Paul is after Papa and after the apostle Paul. The greatest man in the Bible, after Jesus. Paul was used by God in amazing, miraculous, world changing ways, just like you, my Judah Paul.
You make me laugh over and over again everyday. Right now you do this hilarious, deep voice. On the phone with Nana, you said, "Today is my birthday, I'm four." But, sounding like a man with a deep, deep voice. One day I was being silly and singing a song starting all the words with "B": "Bo, Bu, Bana, Bo, Bon't, Bou, Bry Bo Be" (Oh, Susanna...). Now you do it all the time. Singings songs starting with one letter. It's so funny! Although, I did have to remind you that it's not appropriate for Sunday School. I'm not sure if the Sunday School teachers would find it as hilarious as me.
I could go on and on and on about how amazing you are and how much I love you. I love that you remind me of me. I love that you help me with your brothers- taking their shoes off or throwing things away, I love that you're confident, I love that you're silly, I love your sensitive heart, I love that you're so darn cute, I love how incredibly intelligent you are, I love everything about you, Judah. From the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. You are perfect for our family. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
I love you so much, sweet boy. May this year be even more amazing!